im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
