If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
