well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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