He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Ketchup is God's man juice
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
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Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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