Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
