I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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