He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
