i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
