If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize