I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
