I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
