You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
