Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
