i may or may not be watching the land before time
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
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