I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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