How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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