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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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