I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
