I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
