Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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