some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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