One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
