And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
