half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
