Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
