Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
