i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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