after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
