I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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