She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
