Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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