well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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