the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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