dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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