I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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