How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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