I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
