so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
