oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
