you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
