the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
