Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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