dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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