i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
