Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
