i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's blow job season.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
