just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
