You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
