I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
