i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
