Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
