Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
