Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
