I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
