She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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