forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
