i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
this is an emotional support booty call
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
