ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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