please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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