Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
