Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
