We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
40s are totally the cure
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
