Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Your penis caused this!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
